Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
