i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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