I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Randomize
