She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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