if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
