he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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