i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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