i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
