Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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