i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
