from now on my penis is your penis
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
