Non-Jews are for practice
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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