If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
