You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
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