I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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