no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
