I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
