i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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