I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
