I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
