ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
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I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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