i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
