I skipped work to stalk him.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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