I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
