that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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