He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
