My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have aggressive nipples.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
