I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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