walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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