also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
