fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We have started to decorate penises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
