I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
