I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
