you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
