Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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