she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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