I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
