two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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