I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
