yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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