I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
