Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
