I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
