butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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