there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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