I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
