2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
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I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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