So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've blown a few things in my day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
