An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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