Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I looked at my own cervix.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
