just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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