Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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