just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
