Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh god it's open bar.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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