i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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