I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
