So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
