HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
