are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
