What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
