im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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