now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
