There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
