I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
