Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Less talking, more tequila
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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