That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
