They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
