my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
