Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
