you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We had to coat check the pizza.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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