The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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