I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
