When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
