If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
