i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
