I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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